MEn and the Art of Digestive-Cycle Maintenance

Guys love cooking...I mean other's cooking.

To me,it shall forever remain one of the wonderful mysteries of nature..
How something as uninspiring looking as a couple of potatoes,and a few onions..turn into a wonderfully-tasting Urulaikazhangu Fry...is beyond comphrension to me..

My two years in Buffalo is a testament to my survival skills..on the very rare and misfortunate occasion that my cooking turn came up,my roomies got a taste of an artfully prepared Vengaaya Vatha Rasam..and Boiled Eggs - b'coz hey,egg is good for health..and tat rasam thingey is better than eating rice alone..

And when the weekends came,it was survival tactics at the extreme..me n my roomie..who is as bad at cookin as I am..the two of us..used to hold in our hunger till arnd 12 in the afternoon..and my other roomie..whoz by far the best cook ever in our gang...would curse all of us..and make the first step..by cleaning out the vessels..

That would be the signal for me n my buddy to run to the kitchen..and help out with the cooking(??)..I would take over the cleaning job..whilst he would cook rice to perfection..and our super-cook would make Muttagose-kootu and Garbanzo beans...and we would all happily eat together...ahhh,the good ol' times..

After we moved to different houses in Buffalo,I was again in a predicament..should I start all over again...try to attempt the impossible..or just improvise the situation..and wisely,I chose the latter..enacting a modern-day Maadhu-vandurukean..

Maadhu-vandhurukean - copyright K.Balachander and Nagesh..and copied-rights to me..involves a subtle portrayal of a friend..who drops in to visit you,just as you are settling down to eat..the trick is...the stage is set to different houses each day..so that you dont find yourself face-to-face with any of your annoyed friends' neighbors' dog..which suddenly is let loose..

But since times have changed..I have been forced to face the tormenting task on my own..

Whenever I enter my kitchen,there is a silent shudder..both from me..and my kitchen..its almost as though they fear a vicious attack..the vessels somehow congregate and mysteriously hide themselves..and each attempt of mine to get the proper gear assembled...for the sacrifice..is met with the utmost of stiff-resistance..I pull at a frying pan,and it sends out scape-goats like spoons or forks aimed at my eyes in retaliation..the spatula tries to hide behind the cutting board..knowing thats a place I never ever would dream of looking....the vegetables,if at all there are any,put on their greenest face...and gawk at me with fungus-inflicted bodies...and most times,the battle ends rite there..I meekly surrender...and resort to cooking my own grand sumptous meal of...
Instant Cup Noodles,followed by..
Thayir Saadham and Pickle..

You see,my roomie and I have this arrangement..which works out fine..wherein,each one does their own cooking,and I eat both of them..he offers me a taste at times,and I insist he do that more often..

But there is the very rare occasion..that I get inspired by my roomie's multi-cusionary skills and decide to show off my talent(???) as well..the most recent one..being my tryst with making
Tomato Rasam and du'h Potato Fry..

It started off well,as always..I identified the tomatoes correctly from the red peppers..and the pot was washed and placed on the stove with tamarnid paste and water....

The potatoes were chopped down to wat i thgt was appropriate for the human-mouth to open up and swallow..then put into the fryin pan wit a generous cupful of peanut-cookin oil..and left to play its own way with fate..

Now,I thought twas time for my first break..and so,came to catch some Seinfeld on TV..first mistake...

When I went back..most of the stove..had adorned a dark-drown color..thanks to the over-flowing..leavin me wit little mix and pride to salvage..bad start,but nothin tat cant be rectified..

Tomatoes help...my wise-me echoed..and so in went two tomatoes diced up into smaller pieces..i swear,one of the pieces even looked pleadingly at me with a "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?"look..

No cooking is complete without a beer...dont get me wrong..twas my second break..and since the kitchen was too hot for the cool-me...i gulped down a Kirin Ichiban-- by far the best Tak-sum-boone beer ever...and went bak to the kitchen..second mistake..

The smoke there reminded me..of any Brahmin-festival..only the numerous Vaathiyaars were missing....apparently,the potatoes were losing their battle with fate...callin out to me for help...

Water cools anything..was the only voice I heard..so in went two glasses of water into the mix..and the smoke subsided..Moi was happy..see,men are natural born cooks...

My happiness was short-lived..as the potato-oil-water mix started gurgating..strange sounds and bubbles resemblin ancient potion mixes..started comin out..no time to panic..quick thinkin..and reflex action prevailed..i covered up the vessel with its lid...and started PRAYING..

Meanwhile,my roomie stepped into the kitchen for a drink..and saw my experiment in full-swing..unfortunately,it was rite then tat the rasam-like liquid started to boil over again..so,i failed to catch the astonished grin on his face..as I turned to try and salvage the rasam..sadly,after a few minutes..i gave up and all my efforts went down the drain..quite literally..as i washed down the brown-kashaayam like stuff down the kitchen sink..and washed the vessel ruefully...
Casualties of War: 30 minutes,2 tomatoes and 3 tea-spoons of thick tamarind paste.

The potato fry..or rather cry...got sooooooo attached to the pan i was cooking them in...tat tryin to seperate them..was like seperatin Romeo-Juiliet..Laila-Majnu..Surya-Jothika...and since I was a sucker for love..I let them sink...in the sink filled with soapy-water..where they live happily even now...

Well...in my defence,I was over-matched..tryin to multi-task both items at the same time..was too much for me..though I learnt a few valuable lessons that day..

• Beer during cooking..is both good and bad..good in the sense tat,it makes u hungry..and anything you can eat afterwards,seems tasty...bad in the sense,tat the "anything" u cook in the process..is injurious to your health..
• It does not help if you pray during cooking...god cannot make your potato fry taste like something edible..it mite end up tasting like feet..
• Seinfeld,Friends,Chatting,Orkut during cooking..atleast my cooking..do not mix well..at all..
• Always,always,always,....hav a ready-stock of cup-noodles..
• Make friends with your neighbors..someone mite just be makin more food tat day..
• Pizza-Hut always always stays on the speed-dial in your cell-phone..